A poem only they could get.
Ask whether a poem is genuinely personal by one test: could it be read out at a stranger's party and land exactly the same? If yes, the name has been swapped in, not written for them.
This is a market that already charges more than a top-up.
Etsy sellers write personalised occasion poems for £15 to £30, with a wait of a few days for a human writer to turn your notes around. That price exists because people already know a poem with real specifics in it is worth paying for — a birthday poem that mentions the actual caravan, the actual dog, the actual thing your dad always says, is a different object from a poem that happens to rhyme.
Free chat produces the second kind. Ask it for "a funny 60th birthday poem for my mum" with no further detail and it gives you competent, forgettable verse about the wisdom of age and the joy of family — the average of every birthday poem the internet has ever produced, because that is genuinely all it has to work with. Give it a name and an age and nothing else, and a name and an age is exactly what you get back.
This job asks for the specifics first, on purpose — the garden, the caravan, the family saying — because those are what a poem actually needs to become unrepeatable. Where you have not given it a detail, it says so rather than inventing a grandchild or a hobby that does not exist.
What it does with what you give it.
Seven answers go in: who it is for and the occasion, what they love, two or three true stories, who it is from, the tone, the form, and anything to avoid. Back comes the poem, notes for reading it aloud, and a card-length cut of the strongest stanza.
Here is what one true, slightly unflattering detail becomes.
She once reversed the caravan into next door's hedge and blamed the satnav. She's been saying "I'll just be half an hour" before every DIY job since 1994. The caravan is an old one, not sure of the make.
At sixty she has raised: three kids, four beds of roses,
one eyebrow — every time the satnav gets blamed for the hedge —
and standards none of us have ever quite reached since.
The [ADD FACT: the caravan's actual name or model, if it has one] gets more patience than the roses do. We got more interesting.
Notice the incident is there, recognisably, without being narrated as a full anecdote — it is compressed into a single image ("the satnav gets blamed for the hedge") that anyone who was actually there will recognise instantly, and anyone who was not will still find funny. That compression is the craft; a generic tool has no true incident to compress in the first place.
How it works.
- Answer seven short questions. The "what do they love" and "true stories" answers matter most — specifics, not summaries. "The garden" is a start; "the roses she won't let anyone else deadhead" is a poem.
- Top up once and the poem is written. That funds your balance; this job is about 22p — never more than 40p and only ever charges what it actually used. A change is a fresh run and draws on the balance again too.
- Four things come back. The full poem, practical notes for reading it aloud, a card-length cut of its strongest stanza, and a short checklist — including which form was chosen, if you were not sure.
A run that fails to produce a result is never charged.
Who this suits.
Worth it if
- You have real, specific stories about the person and cannot get them into verse yourself.
- You want it today, not in the three days an Etsy commission typically takes.
- You genuinely do not know rhyming from free verse and want a recommendation, not a decision to make yourself.
- It is going in a card or being read aloud and needs to sound like a real person wrote it, not a greeting-card supplier.
Not worth it if
- You genuinely have no specific details to give — just a name and an occasion. Nothing here can manufacture personal history it was never told.
- You want a long, formal ode. This is built for a birthday-card or read-aloud length, not an epic.
- You want the poem illustrated or professionally printed. It writes the words; the card or frame is yours to choose.
What people ask, usually with the card already bought.
What actually makes a poem 'personalised' rather than generic with a name in it?
Specific, unrepeatable detail — the exact hobby, the family saying, the incident everyone still brings up. A poem that would work for any sixty-year-old with a name swapped in has not been personalised, whatever it claims. Every stanza here has to contain at least one detail that could only be about the person you described.
I don't know anything about poetry — rhyming, free verse, none of it.
You do not need to. Say you are not sure and you get a recommendation matched to the stories and tone you gave, with the reasoning included so you understand why that form was chosen.
It's a surprise. Can they not know I'm using this?
Nothing about the process reaches the person the poem is about — you are the only one answering the questions, and the result is delivered straight to you to use however you like, read aloud, printed in a card, or framed.
Will it make things up if I don't give it much?
No — a thin brief gets flagged rather than padded. If a detail would strengthen a stanza and you have not supplied it, it is marked rather than invented, and no family member, pet or event appears that you did not mention.
Can this be funny, not soppy?
Yes — say funny, tender, or both, and it holds that tone throughout. The good specific detail is what makes a funny poem land; a caravan reversed into a hedge is funnier than a joke with no particular target.
Does it work for something other than a birthday?
Yes — anniversaries, retirements, thank-yous, a new baby, or no occasion at all beyond wanting to tell someone something. Tell it the occasion in the first answer and everything else follows from that.
Ready to write it?
Have two or three real stories in mind before you start — the specific, slightly embarrassing ones are usually the best material.
Top up once. No subscription. About 22p — never more than 40p.